Never Put Them in Your Lap!

I’ve blogged twice about the destruction and near destruction of my hearing aids, and have to admit, it is somewhat embarrassing to tell the whole world about these calamities. The only thing I can say in my defense is that accidents DO happen, and in the past 31 years, I’ve only had 3 mishaps with my hearing aids. That’s once a decade – not a bad record. The most recent disaster was almost 4 years ago:

Not wanting to cook one evening after work, I drive my kids to Subway for dinner with my hearing aids sitting in my lap. When we arrive at the sandwich shop, I wait in the car while my kids place their orders. I pop the trunk open and step out to refill my water bottle. After the kids get back in the car with their sandwiches, we head over to the mall. I’m not in the mood for any drama due to my deafness, so I decide to put my hearing aids on ………only I can’t find them.

I feel sick as I realize what happened. Frantic with worry, I plead with my daughter to call information for Subway‘s number, then call Subway while I drive like a maniac, praying my hearing aids are intact.

Girly Girl on the phone: My mom dropped her hearing aids in the parking lot. Please send someone outside to pick them up before they get run over.

Subway employee: Click.

Girly Girl: Mom, he hung up on me!

Me: Call the numbskulls again! And hurry!

The second time Girly Girl called, she was placed on hold, and a minute later told there are no hearing aids near the store.

As I pull into the parking lot, I spot the oh-so-familiar beige on the pavement next to a car. Slamming my car into park, I open the door and almost trip over my feet rushing toward my “ears.” Scooping up my treasures quickly, I run back to my car, chanting, “Please let them work, please let them work.”

Alas, it was not to be. Only one hearing aid was unscathed. The other aid displayed its inner workings through gaping cracks in its formerly smooth exterior. Even the ear mold was split in half. Tears of anguish filled my eyes. I’m ashamed to write what happened next, but I was not in my right mind as I stormed into the packed Subway and began shouting at the employees, holding my hearing aids up for all the world to see.

Me: (Glaring at the poor sandwich artists) MY HEARING AIDS WERE IN THE PARKING LOT! THEY WERE IN FULL VIEW! WHY WOULDN’T YOU PICK THEM UP WHEN WE CALLED? WHY DIDN’T YOU PICK THEM UP???????? WOULD IT HAVE HURT YOU TO PICK THEM UP????

Subway employee: Mgh mgh kdom dofkd mgh mgh.

Me: What?

Subway employee: Mgh mgh kdom dofkd mgh mgh.

Me: (At the top of my lungs with my most theatrical voice) GUESS WHAT?  I   C A N ’ T    H E A R    Y O U !!!!!

……..And the crazy deaf lady went home to search for the warranty paperwork for her hearing aids.  Fortunately, the warranty covered Acts of Stupidity.  But The Stupid One had to pay a $425 deductible!

8 Comments »

  1. Hi Cindy,
    Love your blog. I was diagnosed as hard of hearing last year at the age of 40. It really took me by surprise as no one in my family had a history of hearing loss. I work in a library and have to cope with soft spoken people all the time. Thank you for sharing your stories. It helps that I’m not alone. I’ve recently started a somewhat humorous blog about my adjustment to hearing aids. Can I list your blog on my favorites list?
    Sarah

  2. Kim Said:

    Awwww! I’m so sorry this happened to you. And you are NOT the only one who has done this. I know someone else who lost a hearing aid in the parking lot. She was luckier cause hers didn’t get run over. I know another guy who jumped into the ocean with his hearing aids on. Went snorkling. They didn’t work after that. I’ve been very lucky. I’ve dropped mine in the sink and toilet, but they still worked. Knocking on wood now. . . :-)

  3. Dianrez Said:

    I had to laugh ruefully at this story, especially on visualizing you giving the Subway employees a loud what-for. I don’t blame you at all…even one minute of their busy schedule would have saved you hundreds of dollars. They probably had no idea what hearing aids looked like.

    Stupid hearing people…wouldn’t we love to wring their necks sometimes…even as some of us flush our hearing aids down the toilet!

  4. Steve Said:

    I’ve never lost my hearing aids but I have soaked them a few times. Once, I was playing football whilst it was pelting it down with rain – my aids got soaked and stopped working completely. Amazingly, after a day or so in a Hal-Hen pot they started working again – I was surprised and very, very relieved.

  5. Ruth Said:

    Hi Cindy,

    Great blog! I did a similar lap thing – and yes they fell. Only one went into my skirt pocket and the other to the ground. I looked and looked but couldn’t find it in all the leaves. Since I couldn’t afford to replace it, I only had one aid for 6 months. Then one day I saw it lying under my car. I had been parking over it all the time! I took it to my audiologist she cleaned it and it was fine.

  6. Hoh Said:

    Ruth –

    You mean for 6 months your hearing aid was outside exposed to all the elements and STILL WORKED??? Wow!!!

    Steve -

    Lucky you!! I tell people I’ll be electrocuted if my hearing aids get wet from the rain.

    Kim –

    I feel like such a klutz next to you!!

    Dianrez -

    Your comment makes me feel better – thanks!

    Cindy

  7. andar909 Said:

    hi, andar here, i just read your post. i like very much. agree to you, sir.

  8. Russ Vaughn Said:

    hi
    0v30qc5gwa4t7kav
    good luck


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