Archive for noise pollution

The Forgotten Superhero

Last night:

Super Hearing Boy (SHB): “I’m going to sleep now.”

Me: “Okay, have a good night - I love you!”

A few minutes later:

SHB: “Mom, I can’t sleep. I hear termites chewing something. I think it’s the dresser Tanya gave us.”

Me: “You’re joking, right?”

SHB: “No.”  

Throwing the sheet off, I leave my comfortable nest and follow my son to his room.  

SHB: “I think the termites are in the wood trim around the mirror.”  

I separate the mirror from the dresser, exposing a mound of termite droppings.  

SHB: “See! I knew I could hear them!”  

After relocating the mirror to the living room far from Super Hearing Boy’s hypersensitive ears, I return to my bed.  

Two minutes later:  

SHB: “Mom, I still hear them.”  

Me: “You could use a little deafness right now, Boy. Let me sleep!”  

SHB: “It’s really loud!”  

Sigh. Once again, I leave my soft bed to save my mutant superhero from the sounds of loudness. We push the dresser into the dining room to await its fate, then I slide into my bed for the third and hopefully final time that night.  

As I wait for waves of sleep to engulf me, I’m awed by Super Hearing Boy’s supersonic hearing. I’m also somewhat thankful for my deafness, knowing I’ll never lose sleep over irritating sounds that have caused problems for SHB in the past. You know, horrid sounds such as the flapping of butterflies’ wings, leaves falling, or grass growing.

The Gospel of Hearing Aids

I’m sitting in my car at a stoplight. The peaceful wait for the green light is disrupted by a low bass rumble. The rumble increases exponentially as a low-riding pimpmobile with glittering, spinning rims bounces closer and closer. BOOM! BOOM, BOOM, BOOM, BOOM! This monstrosity on wheels rolls to a stop beside me, all windows down. The driver bobs his head in slow motion, keeping time with the soul-pounding beat of rap.

I seethe for a few seconds as the heavy bass vibrates every bone in my body. The bobbing epitome of coolness is oblivious to the disgusted looks aimed his way. I open my door and walk over to him. He looks at me and smiles, certain I share his discriminating taste in music.

Leaning forward, I shout, “I USED TO LISTEN TO LOUD MUSIC!” as I pull my hearing aids off and shove them under his nose. Wide-eyed shock replaces his smile. “TAKE A LOOK AT THESE! YOU’LL BE WEARING THEM IN A FEW YEARS, TOO!”

The spell of coolness broken, he lowers the volume and I walk back to my car. I smile, satisfied I’ve done my Good Deed for the Day.